Wednesday, March 5, 2014

A LIFE LIVED IN FEAR...






That quote right up there…it’s true, I did try to be normal and it was a very difficult time for me. Let me explain.

About three weeks ago I had a little accident. If I were willing to give you all the details, it might be quite humorous – think Bambi on ice, meets the Perils of Pauline. Today, I find that I can even laugh about it, BUT right after and for way too long after, it was one of my darkest nightmares. The worst part wasn’t the accident itself, the fact that after this experience I found myself feeling afraid of EVERYTHING.

Skip ahead to this past weekend. Myself, and several other blogger participate in this little endeavor (on the first and the fifteenth of each month) titled BATTLE OF THE BANDS. In the BATTLE on the first of March Robin of YOUR daily dose chose the song ‘Time After Time’, for her BATTLE. I left a comment, that I hope l didn’t come off too snarky, stating that none of her choices were really my favorite and I left a link to my favorite, which is from the movie ‘Strictly Ballroom’. I love this movie for a lot of reasons. You might say it’s one of my guilty pleasures, so after commenting at Robin’s blog, I dug out my DVD copy and sat down to watch.

I’m not going to give too much about the movie away, but I’ll tell you briefly that although it is set against the backdrop of ballroom dancing competitions in Australia, it is about so much more than dancing, or the sweet love story included. One of the recurring lines from the move really had me sit up and take notice during this viewing. It is; ‘a life lived in fear, is a life half lived’. Man that hit me right was I was living, in that moment.

After the movie, most likely in an attempt to not face the reality of what I was becoming, I decided to visit some of the blogs that I had missed the day before. I went to see if my friend Donna Hole has posted a BATTLE OF THE BANDS. She didn’t, but what she had posted was another ‘smack upside the head’ of me. You can read her entire post Donna Hole if you like, but what Donna basically said was that she had lost some of her enthusiasm for writing, by all of the knowledge she has gained from the ‘experts’.

Realizing that I haven’t written much in months (I have been secretly working on a memoir, that a friend has been encouraging me to write, but even that has been really slow going) and I haven’t even been blogging much (except for the BATTLE OF THE BANDS posts) I realized that I have become paralyzed by my own fears of EVERYTHING, and a feeling that all of the expert advice led me to believe I’m not a very good writer, and have no hope of ever being published.
While all of THAT might sound a little too familiar to many other writers, up until this point it was NOT me. I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my life, because I try to follow my heart, and live life out loud (kicking and screaming, most of the time). This past three weeks was draining me of all my enthusiasm for life in general. It had to STOP.

The long and short of this is (and this post has gone on long enough) I’ve begun writing again. I have decided that I like my stories and I really enjoy telling them, and telling them in MY way. Maybe they will never see the light of day, as in being published (I doubt I would ever self-publish, but then I do believe in never saying never), but I will have written them, if only for myself. In the final analysis that's pretty much what it’s all about. “Knowing what we should be doing, doing it, and pleasing God and thereby ourselves’.


This has been my I’m trying hard not to be an INSECURE WRITER for the INSECURE WRITERS SUPPORT GROUP. If you want to know more about this group or visit other Insecure Writers, go to the source and check out the list HERE, click on the sign up list at the top of the page.

Before I close I want to give one big THANK YOU and a SHOUT OUT TO Robin at YOUR daily dose and Donna at Donna Hole  Thank you both for knocking me off or out of my dark little place. Often we have no idea how, or what we post might affect someone else. APPARENTLY, that's what the IWSG is all about. 


43 comments:

  1. Sorry about your accident! You're right we can't live in fear. We'd never do anything. Glad you're writing and glad you read those two posts!

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  2. Thankfully life has a way to force us out of hiding. My philosophy is, moon your fears. Hope all is healing well.

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  3. I'm glad you're okay after your scary experience. The older I get the scarier falling becomes. lol As far as fear goes, you need to read this fantastic post.

    http://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2014/03/05/is-fear-driving-you-forward-or-dragging-you-under/

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    1. Thanks Donna. I read the article and it was excellent. Maybe it's true - you know, that 'the only thing we have to fear is fear itself'.

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  4. Fear can't rule us indeed. Better whether good or bad accident can be a life lesson too

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    1. Well, I certainly hope I've learned THAT lesson and I don't have to revisit it.

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  5. There's this documentary where Nicholas Ray, the director of 'Rebel Without A Cause' (which features my favorite actor, James Dean), wearing long hair and a black (pirate-like) eye-patch asks the question, "What is normal?" [If memory serves me, it's the movie 'James Dean: The First American Teenager'.]

    Ha! That might have been the very first time I realized that "normal" is an entirely nonexistent state of being. Find someone you think is "normal", start asking them questions, probe deep into their life and you will discover that they (and no one else, either) is truly "normal". There is NO SUCH THING AS "NORMAL". It does not exist and it never did.

    I had heard about it long beforehand, but it was the Aussie "The Alliterative Allomorph" who inspired me to see the movie 'Strictly Ballroom', and I enjoyed it quite a bit.

    You know what I think is SO UNIQUE & INTERESTING about the memoir you are writing? In nearly every case, a famous person writes a memoir, and because they are already famous, people buy the book. But in your case, the opposite is going to be true: A mostly unknown person is going to publish a memoir, and the book itself is going to make you famous.

    Gotta love the "un-normal" reversal in that situation, eh?

    ~ Stephen
    'Loyal American Underground'

    POSTSCRIPT:
    Don't forget to toss this dog a bone when your ship comes sailing in!

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    1. I agree. In a way we each hold to our own kind of normal. Like how we were raised or what we are used to/comfortable with is normal to us. BUT, basically there is truly NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL. Although, that doesn't seem to stop the world in general, from trying to push their form of 'normal' on the rest of us.

      I thought you might like 'Strictly Ballroom', and was going to suggest it to you the next time we talked. Glad to hear I wasn't too far off the mark.

      Yeah, I would definitely love that un-normal reversal, should it actually come to pass. OK, OK, I'll try to be more positive about that. And more than a bone, how about a whole bag of kibble?

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    2. >>... And more than a bone, how about a whole bag of kibble?

      With sugar on top?

      And... an apology for "ALL the times you yanked my ears"?

      [Google it, Rookie!]

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

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    3. Oh, with sugar on top. You must be mistaken cause; 'I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way'.

      Rookie- sheesh!

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    4. Ha!

      OK, you passed the test with flying... hare hair.
      :-)

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      POSTSCRIPT:
      A $1,300. auto repair bill doesn't exactly increase one's likelihood of getting to Reno sooner rather than later. Ouch! This was a very painful day for my wallet.

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    5. Did you actually doubt?

      PS-OUCH! The downside of driving old vehicles. I can relate.

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  6. Sorry to hear about your accident and I'm glad you're okay. You're right about not letting fear rule us. I always step up when I feel scared of something. I, too, never thought I'd self-publish, but it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Have a great week. :)

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    1. Thanks Christine. I have seen you step up and be 'Fearless' (pun intended).

      With respect to self-publishing, I don't like to say never, but I'm not sure if I would have the energy necessary.

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  7. Great post! And the picture at the top is just brilliant. Can I borrow it?
    I also tried to be normal once and gave up as impossible after a while. I choose to be eccentric instead. Ha! And whoever doesn't like it, I don't like you either.

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    1. No problem. Feel free to 'lift' it, after all I already have.

      Goo attitude you've got there, and I do believe that 'Attitude is Everything'.

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  8. Fear can either hinder, or help us.
    We live paralyzed, or we live to overcome.

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    1. Paralyzed is not a good place to be. You have to fight pretty hard to overcome your fears, at least, I do, but in the end it's worth it.

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  9. Good for you! I've been trying to find a quote I remember reading a long time ago. I don't know who said it, and I don't have any of the words used. But it was about NOT reading "how to write" books because they could actually stifle one's creativity, they could make one feel inadequate etc. etc. etc.

    I hope you are all ready laughing about the accident. I take it you were unharmed and that's the important thing.

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    1. Yeah, I can laugh now, but at the time...

      I agree that too much 'good advice' does stifle your own creativity.

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  10. Hi FAE;

    Wow, my name was in your post. I am glad you are writing again, and loving it so much. It is a wonderful feeling to see all that creativity unfolding.

    I do have a song planned for 3/15.

    Have a worry free week Dear.

    .......dhole

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  11. Great! We'll expect you on the 15th.

    And, the pleasure was all mine. I really needed to hear some of those things you had to say.

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  12. FAE ~ Well, I am glad that Time After Time inspired you to re-watch Strictly Ballroom and hear the message that you desperately needed to hear. You sound inspired and raring to go. The more writer blogs I read, the more convinced I am that writers write because they have a story. Really, who would do this to themselves if a story wasn't beating around their brain??? So, you have a story that only you can tell. There is a joy in just getting it out there. Someone I love and miss very much said to me, "We are all creators. We were put here to create. So create as much as you can!" Isn't that what writing is... creating? I am so happy that you are feeling more like your Old Self... which might not be "normal," but is normal for you!

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    1. I'm glad too. I really enjoy that movie.

      I admit that my normal can almost be scary, but, hey, I'm comfortable there.

      Thanks for the encouragement.

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  13. I hope you're feeling better from the accident. I fell back in October, and it really can make you afraid of things.

    Glad you're writing again! Fear can make some people strive to be better, but in others, it can be paralyzing. It's good to find a way to let go and not let it hold you back.

    Love that quote, by the way! :)

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    1. Thanks, I am feeling much better.
      I suppose that fear can make some people better, but for me it was awful.

      The quote is great. Please feel free to use it whenever you like.

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  14. Boy, I can relate to this. That used to happen to me a lot with my writing - months of nothing. I just had a brief (couple weeks) repeat and I didn't like it!

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    1. Yeah, this was a first time for me, but I did not like it one bit and I hope it doesn't return.

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  15. Best of all...you are writing again! Keep going, keep going. You'll just get better and better.

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    1. It is that putting one foot in front of the other. some days that's the best we can do.

      Thanks!

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  16. Being caught in a dark place is a terrible thing. I'm truly glad you're finding you way back into the light.

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  17. Hi there, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

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    1. Well thank you very much.

      I'll try to stop by your place a little later on today. Nice to meet you.

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  18. Oh I hope everything is alright now! I am very encouraged to hear that you are writing again and have found inspiration to go on. Strictly Ballroom is a fantastic movie and I was glad to hear that you love it too. Any of that writing you are doing is welcome over here! I'd be glad to read it, anytime.

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    1. I was so relieved to see your comment pop up in my email first thing this morning. On Wednesday, I went to your site first, thinking that you wouldn't miss an IWSG post, when you weren't there I got really worried, then I got distracted and didn't return. Anyway... I do have something new and different that I want to send you, but more on that later. I'll tell you more in your own space. SOON!

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  19. Congratulations on starting to write again. That's exciting.
    Strictly Ballroom is one of my favorite dance movies. It's so well done, and hilarious.

    Be well, Farawayeyes,

    xoRobyn

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