One of my favorite bloggers and a NaNoWriMo writing Buddy was looking for someone to read a new book and write a review. I like writing reviews. I offered. She asked me, "can you be honest?". Yes, I can be painfully honest.
I had an experience today that I need to be painfully honest about. Not because you need that, but because I do.
I like to make mountains out of mole hills. I'm not necessarily a drama queen. It's just that it can be silly making fun of mundane things. In order to do that you have to make them bigger than they really are. Throw in a little self deprecating humor and most people are laughing, hopefully with you, not at you. I like that.
If you know anything about me at all you know I have been consumed by NaNoWriMo this month. Basically, I've having a good time. I've met a whole group of great people who have been encouraging/supportive/partners in crime. Last Thursday I passed the 50k word mark and was feeling pretty good about myself. Even with all of those words I'm a little less than two thirds through the novel. Now, I'm going to have to stretch to finish by the end of the month. Heck, I can do this, right?
Everything I write starts out with a tight outline and after about 10k words it has a mind of it's own. I throw that outline away and work off a mini outline of about the next half dozen scenes, because I really have no idea where we're going. OK, I got to the hard part, I had to write some serious scenes, that were breaking my heart. Add to that a week or so of sleep deprivation and I was pretty fried.
After a pretty good day, Sunday, I went into the NaNo site to update my word count and something happened. My count was completely wiped clean and a 0 word count was posted. I could not get it to update, absolutely nothing was happening. That big fat 0 just kept staring at me from the word count box. I was beside myself. I sent the NaNo people an email and looked in the forums to find that this had happened to a few other people. That did not help one bit. I was getting frantic. I went to bed and slept for a few hours, woke up and was frantic all over again. Got up around 3AM, messed with the site again and started to write.
In an effort to make myself feel better, I started complaining to any one who would listen. It didn't help. I wrote some more. I ended up putting in almost 4k words today and some of it was more of the 'hard stuff'. The good news is, I think it was really good 'hard stuff' and I'm past that. I vowed that I wasn't going back to the NaNo site until I got an email telling me the problem was fixed and I could go update my word count. I felt like such a loser looking at that big fat 0. I broke that vow in about fifteen minutes.
This time at the NaNo site, I tried to update my word count and it worked. It took my number and updated. I was so happy, I cried. Even amid all that relief, I felt pretty pitiful. This was not me making a mountain out of a mole hill. I was really that worked up.
Ready to be back to my old self. I went to check my social media. When I open my twitter account, right there on top is my friend Donna Weaver. Donna keeps me honest. She comments on my blog and reminds me who I am. Donna's tweet says "sniff" and is a link to a YouTube. I'll post it here for you.
Here I am, my clothes are off I'M COMPLETELY NAKED. I'm also totally embarrassed. Not because I'm naked, because I'm an idiot.
You all probably know all about this guy. I spent years living where there was no TV. Now we have 'Basic Cable'. I pay $20/month through the summer to know where the hurricanes are and if their going to get us. I have absolutely no TV habit and don't watch. I don't really know "American Idol" from "Dancing with the Stars" other than what I hear about on Social Media. I did a little research to know the rest of the story. OK,now I'm crying and these are worthwhile tears.
There are things in life that are inconvenience and there are things that are tragedy. My NaNo mishap, which by the way, I find I may have caused myself, was inconvenience, to say the least. Are you kidding me? This story in the video, is tragedy. Today I took my inconvenience and was trying to turn it into tragedy. The guy in this video is taking tragedy and turning it into a miracle. He is building character and becoming a better person. I want to be him and not me.
I can make all kind of excuses for myself, lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of good judgment. I live by the motto "there is no excuse for bad behavior". Actually, that's just one of my many. Today, I exhibited BAD BEHAVIOR. That's why I'm writing this post and standing here naked. I don't want sympathy. I want to remember and not do this again. I never forget taking my clothes off in public.
Thank you Donna. I'm sure you didn't even know it but you rescued me from myself again. If you don't know Donna,go visit her at http://www.weavingataleortwo.blogspot.com she is a great lady. I like her.
I still don't know where the commas go and tomorrow I promise to be back to a place where 'thinking is optional'.