I've had a rough six or seven weeks. On Christmas Eve someone dropped a bomb shell in my lap that had a serious affect on my Christmas. It had been coming for a year, but I had no idea. January brought it's usual blahs. I was still not recovered from the Christmas thing and having some serious trouble writing. Recently, I was asked to do something hard - I hate that. Then I tried to buy a car. Thought I had a deal all set and the seller comes back to me and tries to 'shake me down' for another $500. Had to tell them I was stretched at the agreed upon price and 'good luck with that'. In the end, I know it was not my car, but I'm still bummed. NOW, if this paragraph had an old pick up, a train and a dog in it somewhere, it would make the perfect country song. A real downer of a country song.
I hate excuses. Don't like to make 'em. So, I just better get over myself.
Anyway...In these past six or seven weeks I've been reading a lot of advice on how to be a successful blogger. Holy carp! (Oh yeah, I'm a little dyslexic too.) I think I do just about the opposite of all that good advice.
This brings me to something else I've done in the past six or seven weeks that makes me think I'm more of a jerk, than a 'good blogger'. Several of you have given me awards and I never even went by and picked them up. Back in November when JP gave me the 'Lovely Blog Award' (see it, it's right over there to the right - on the mantle just like an Oscar) I was really flattered and pretty excited. Lately, I've felt more embarrassed. (I'm hoping that does not make me the creepiest of creeps, but...) Let me explain. (No excuses, I promise. I think.)
I am seriously not a head hunter. I'm grateful for the 116 people who follow me. Maybe there are even more, some people follow anonymously and with the relationship blogger and I have, who knows how many people they refuse to tell me about. I hope you're following me because I've said something that made you laugh, touched you in a sentimental way, made you feel good about yourself, or maybe even made you feel good about me. You might even follow me because of my pictures or all that water (what's not to love about the Caribbean).
I started this blog to promote my writing. I intended to remain calm and professional in this space, but then well, you know me. I reside in the lunatic fringe and I seem to like it there. Sometimes the craziest things happen to me and I just have to tell you. (Tonight at dinner is a prime example but I'll save that for another time. I'll try not to hijack my own post.)
Anyway...back to the point. I apologize about the awards. I hope I didn't hurt any body's feelings. I'm just not good with all that linking back and forth and telling you stuff about me (OK, I know I'm full of TMI, but not like the ??? some of these awards ask) Bottom line is...I'm not a good candidate for an award. I would much rather you just stop by and say 'hey'.
I think I'm learning that I'm not a blogger, I'm a writer. I thought like 'being on stage, is being on stage'; it would be the same with writing. It's not.
I blog for my own personal release. I'm sure it's dangerous, but I don't worry about the punctuation, the pronunciation, or the presentation. Here, I'm my slovenly self. I spew all over the place and manage to tell you very little. Hey, it's cheaper than therapy.
Dear potential agents or publishers, please don't judge my 'real' writing by my time 'on the couch'.
Dear followers, please don't judge my friendship as insincere, by my need to write 'real'.
I am a fortunate blogger. I've met some wonderful people who make me laugh, feel and even let me hijack their comment blocks. I've even said and done some things in your comments blocks that should be embarrassing, but then, well, you know me.
I even met my muse through this blog. The muse is tough on me sometimes, sometimes I even cry, but they have helped me write better. The muse also tells me to 'stop apologizing', so I'm not going to do that here. Just wanted to explain.
So, now that you know, don't think I'm going away, at least not yet. You see I have all these words. Where on earth would I put them?
Now something serious...Can someone tell me why blogger doesn't have spell check in the comment block (if someone tells me there is one, I'll be genuinely embarrassed. Naw, probably not.)? I mean come on, I've already admitted I'm somewhat dyslexic. Secretly, I think blogger uses some of my spelling errors for their 'word verification' deals. I wonder if I could charge them?