Goofy

I love to tell stories about my parents and how goofy they were. I have to be honest and tell you that I’m just as big a goof. Hey I come by it honestly.

Most recently I moved into this pretty spectacular villa. When I first met the landlord I was trying to be on my best behavior. On the day I came back to sign the lease he was painting some of the outdoor railings with marine grade rust resistant paint. He warned me not to touch anything because the paint was wet and very tacky. It was also oil based and would be a ‘bear’ to get off.

He’s out on the deck cleaning up and goes down by the pool. I stroll out on the deck and while still standing on the drop cloth I put both hands on the railing. I realize my mistake in a matter of seconds and pull my hands away. Of course there is paint all over them. While the landlord is busy and his back is turned I grab some paper and wipe as much paint off as I can. This guy is liable to think I’m a real hazard and change his mind about renting to me.

Pretty soon we’re inside sitting at the dining room table going over the lease. His wife hands me an inventory of the furnishings. The place is completely furnished, dishes, pots and pans, linens, silverware, you name it. Landlord is going over things and explains that of course, they understand if something gets broken in the normal course of use, but they expect that their things will be taken care of. Then he goes on to tell a funny story about some friends they let use the villa. He says this woman was a complete klutz. He didn’t know how she did it but she got into some of the most unusual scrapes. He says he warned her repeatedly about a special juice carafe they had and that if you didn’t take the lid of a certain way you could break it. Well, she broke it.

“She was such a nut. No matter how much you warned her, she would still get into trouble. Did you ever know anyone like that?” he asks.

I just raise my hands palms up, so everyone can see the paint residue. Landlord laughs and rented me the place anyway.

What can I say? I’m a nut and an honest one, at that.