Wednesday, February 8, 2012


I've had a rough six or seven weeks. On Christmas Eve someone dropped a bomb shell in my lap that had a serious affect on my Christmas. It had been coming for a year, but I had no idea. January brought it's usual blahs. I was still not recovered from the Christmas thing and having some serious trouble writing. Recently, I was asked to do something hard - I hate that. Then I tried to buy a car. Thought I had a deal all set and the seller comes back to me and tries to 'shake me down' for another $500. Had to tell them I was stretched at the agreed upon price and 'good luck with that'. In the end, I know it was not my car, but I'm still bummed. NOW, if this paragraph had an old pick up, a train and a dog in it somewhere, it would make the perfect country song. A real downer of a country song.

I hate excuses. Don't like to make 'em. So, I just better get over myself.

Anyway...In these past six or seven weeks I've been reading a lot of advice on how to be a successful blogger. Holy carp! (Oh yeah, I'm a little dyslexic too.) I think I do just about the opposite of all that good advice.

This brings me to something else I've done in the past six or seven weeks that makes me think I'm more of a jerk, than a 'good blogger'. Several of you have given me awards and I never even went by and picked them up. Back in November when JP gave me the 'Lovely Blog Award' (see it, it's right over there to the right - on the mantle just like an Oscar) I was really flattered and pretty excited. Lately, I've felt more embarrassed. (I'm hoping that does not make me the creepiest of creeps, but...) Let me explain. (No excuses, I promise. I think.)

I am seriously not a head hunter. I'm grateful for the 116 people who follow me. Maybe there are even more, some people follow anonymously  and with the relationship blogger and I have, who knows how many people they refuse to tell me about. I hope you're following me because I've said something that made you laugh, touched you in a sentimental way, made you feel good about yourself, or maybe even made you feel good about me. You might even follow me because of my pictures or all that water (what's not to love about the Caribbean).

I started this blog to promote my writing. I intended to remain calm and professional in this space, but then well, you know me. I reside in the lunatic fringe and I seem to like it there. Sometimes the craziest things happen to me and I just have to tell you. (Tonight at dinner is a prime example but I'll save that for another time. I'll try not to hijack my own post.)

Anyway...back to the point. I apologize about the awards. I hope I didn't hurt any body's feelings. I'm just not good with all that linking back and forth and telling you stuff about me (OK, I know I'm full of TMI, but not like the ??? some of these awards ask) Bottom line is...I'm not a good candidate for an award. I would much rather you just stop by and say 'hey'.

I think I'm learning that I'm not a blogger, I'm a writer. I thought like 'being on stage, is being on stage'; it would be the same with writing. It's not.

I blog for my own personal release. I'm sure it's dangerous, but I don't worry about the punctuation, the pronunciation, or the presentation. Here, I'm my slovenly self. I spew all over the place and manage to tell you very little. Hey, it's cheaper than therapy.

Dear potential agents or publishers, please don't judge my 'real' writing by my time 'on the couch'.

Dear followers, please don't judge my friendship as insincere, by my need to write 'real'.

I am a fortunate blogger. I've met some wonderful people who make me laugh, feel and even let me hijack their comment blocks. I've even said and done some things in your comments blocks that should be embarrassing, but then, well, you know me.

I even met my muse through this blog. The muse is tough on me sometimes, sometimes I even cry, but they have helped me write better. The muse also tells me to 'stop apologizing', so I'm not going to do that here. Just wanted to explain.

So, now that you know, don't think I'm going away, at least not yet. You see I have all these words. Where on earth would I put them?

Now something serious...Can someone tell me why blogger doesn't have spell check in the comment block (if someone tells me there is one, I'll be genuinely embarrassed. Naw, probably not.)? I mean come on, I've already admitted I'm somewhat dyslexic. Secretly, I think blogger uses some of my spelling errors for their 'word verification' deals. I wonder if I could charge them?


  1. This post was a 'Killing me Softly with His Song' experience (I once saw Roberta Flack perform and tears welled up in my eyes when she sang this song). I can relate on so many fronts - in fact I think you have saved me writing a post!! I still can't refer to myself as a blogger (as I feel that would be presumptious), and I don't regard myself as being a writer (because I don't really know what it is I do with words). Like you, I have discovered the most incredibly supportive and generous people in this community - and at a time in my life when I've possibly needed that more than ever - words will never express my gratitude. I have worked really hard at not feeling insecure or inadequate in this domain - even though at times I read other people's work and very quickly experience fleeting insecure/inadequate emotions. In all honesty, I never thought another person would ever read my work - and once again, like you, I was simply putting my thoughts out there for my own personal reasons/satisfaction. For me, writing real, is real writing. I know my work will never be commercial/saleable and I'm not ambitious at all in relation to considering that particular pathway. I always prefer to make a comment or speak about an observation - rather than offer advice - so...I would just like to say that having read this has done me the world of good and I am so glad I clicked on the link - whether you regard this as a blog post or a piece of writing doesn't alter the enjoyment/benefit I have gained from reading it. Best wishes.

  2. So sorry about your Christmas thing and all the other sad stuff. I'm like you...I'm a writer not a blogger. My blogs never have all the fun photos and videos-I don't have time for all of that. And speaking of time, commenting takes up a lot, so I'm selective on those I comment on (yours being one). This morning I'm actually timing myself on how long it takes to comment...and see if I can speed up the process.

  3. Yeah, I'm not a real blogger either and I'm okay with that. I started following you because your Deja Vu Blogfest selection touched me deeply. I enjoy the blogs like yours best. I've also read the posts and how-tos for 'being a better blogger.' Not interested. Blogland is my place to be me and I feel like I've experienced such an awakening here and gained inspiration and countless new perspectives by reading what my fellow bloggers share. I wouldn't change a thing and I hope you won't change a thing about how you share here.

    I'm not big on the awards. I accept them when I receive them, write a short and sweet post and link back to the giver out of respect, then move on. I don't display them on my sidebar, although I used to. It's not that I didn't appreciate them, it's just that I felt like I wanted to keep things more personal and there were other things I wanted to put on my sidebar. I also didn't want what I shared to be skewed by a subconscious awareness that 'so and so is reading this and now I have to edit based on their likes/dislikes.' There's enough of that in real time. My blog is my space to escape all that and just be me. :)

  4. I have an award for you!

    The lack of spell check irks me too.

    I think if this is the place where you connect with your Muse, then keep doing it. Carry on. No worries.

  5. Hey!
    I think you're a wonderful blogger.
    Sorry about the car and the bombshell and all that. Life has its lows and it sucks to be in one.
    I use Firefox as my browser, so yes, it does apply Spell Check to all of my comments on Blogger. IE doesn't though.

  6. Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I don't think there is a right way to blog, this is your space and you can do with it whatever you want! I read a similar post a while back and at the end the blogger asked 'If I had no followers, would I still do it?'

  7. I look forward to your posts and your comments on my blog have been nothing short of encouraging and wonderful!

    I like what Anna said... that there is no right way to blog. You do what works for you. The question is WHY do you blog? If you blog for yourself, then you are already doing a stellar job. And if you are blogging for people, support, friendships, you're doing awesome here too. You don't have to be anybody but yourself on here. Dyslexia and all :)

  8. I like reading your blog. You're honest and real. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. There's no need to apologize to us. :)

  9. Invite me over for dinner. I promise not to yank a strand of your hair out of your sweet head and floss with it at the table! (Sorry, couldn't help myself. WHMS reference)

    Isn't it funny how we obligate ourselves, even in the virtual world. I blog because I like to share a little part of me with others who want the same. If fellow dreamers stop in, so cool! I find, commenting to be the most time-consuming, but I love to talk and share ME, and learn more about others and what make them tick. That does takes some effort.

    My ultimate goal is to finish my first novel. It's been pretty hard for me to find that balance between Blogging, Writing and Life. But, I'm learning. And I'm learning a lot from this community ~ about lots of things.

    You're awesome! Those who keep coming back, do so because they like what you have to say. Don't stop being you.

    As long as spending time in this little corner of your world gives you peace, then it is a force for good.


  10. >>..."NOW, if this paragraph had an old pick up, a train and a dog in it somewhere, it would make the perfect country song."

    Even without them it makes a pretty good Country song.

    Me like-um yer blog.

    I like it for several reasons. One is that it is very conversational in tone. It seems friendly and down-to-earth.

    Also, I really, REALLY appreciate the fact that although you are a famous-author-in-the-making, unlike so many of the others, your blog isn't nonstop yakkin' about WIPs and characterizations and query letter suggestions, and so on and so forth, yada-yada blah-blah!

    Gosh, I got so tired of those "Wannabe Writers On Writing" Blogs. I mean, once in a while a post about the finer points of writing is fine, but as I've said a number of times on my blog to no one in particular: STOP WRITING ABOUT WRITING AND WRITE!

    So, I like being able to visit a Wannabe-Writer who can write about something other than writing. (Remember that, you'll need it later. Very soon, in fact!)

    Besides, it's good you have a place where you can spill excess words before they fester inside and poison ya to death.

    Right On? Write On!

    Yer friend...

    ~ Stephen

  11. Hey, your blog should be real. First and foremost. Don't even worry about that other stuff. I love learning about you.

  12. ohhhh I feel like your in my head! and is it bad that I want to know what happened over christmas?

    I break all the how to be a successful blogger rules and I too started my blog to promote my writing and to find my voice.

    Have I told you lately how much I enjoy reading you! I do!!!! so glad you're not going anywhere :)

  13. I like your blog (okay the picture of the beach helps) lol. I think you write from the heart and your words are real. Blogging is real writing. Really, who knows what the "correct" definition of blogging is? You entertain your readers and we connect with you.

    I admire you for announcing that you would rather we just visit and not bombard you with awards.

    About the spell check: I don't know. Sometimes when I am typing my comment I notice the auto spell check works and sometimes it doesn't and this happens both ways on blogger. I don't know how some blogs have it and some don't, but I need it.

    Sorry you are going through a rough period. It will get better